How to survive those lonely afghan mountain nights (Bin Laden Edition)

Everyone knows that smelly terrorists love goat-sex, but Osama takes it to the next level.  He's actually trained his goats to give him a reach-around, while they take their business to his "back door."  There are rumors of a Bin Laden goat gang bang video, where as many as 30 goats "take a shot" at Bin Laden.  I guess this guy has to finance his holy war somehow.